Justanotherbeautifulteenwaste's Blog
Blonde inventions
| 1) The water-proof towel 2) Solar powered flashlight 3) Submarine screen door 4) A book on how to read 5) Inflatable dart board 6) A dictionary index 7) Ejector seat in a helicopter 8) Powdered water 9) Pedal-powered wheel chair 10) Water-proof tea bag |
Learn Chinese
| English Phrase / Chinese Translation 1. "That's not right"............... Sum Ting Wong 2. "Are you harboring a fugitive?".. Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. "See me ASAP".................... Kum Hia Nao 4. "There goes Stupid Man".......... Dum Dum Wa King 5. "Small Horse".................... Tai Ni Po Ni 6. "Did you go to the beach?"....... Wai Yu So Tan 7. "I bumped into a coffee table"... Ai Bang Mai Ni 8. "I think you need a face lift"... Chin Tu Fat 9. "It's very dark in here"......... Wao So Dim 10. "I thought you were on a diet".. Wai Yu Mun Ching 11. "This is a tow away zone"....... No Pah King 12. "Our meeting is next week"...... Wai Yu Kum Nao 13. "Staying out of sight!"......... Lei Ying Lo 14. "He's cleaning his automobile".. Wa Shing Ka 15. "Your body odor is offensive"... Yu Stin Ki Pu 16. "Great"......................... Su Pah |
Anagram Fun
When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST:
When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN 'EM
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale:
(Former) PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
It can be rearranged (With no letters left over, and using each letter only once) into: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Words women use and their meaning
FINE
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, 5 minutes, is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Oh, and before we forget ...
"Whatever"
...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
Bush Joke
| The Iraq War | |
|
Blonde joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The
driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Heaven (joke)
There are 3 men who all die and go to heaven and are standing at the Pearly Gates when God comes over and says there is only room for one of you in heaven, so whoever died the worst death will be allowed in, he points at man #1 and says you first...
Man 1: well I thought my wife was cheating on me so I came home from work early and when I got there she was in bed naked so I searched my entire apartment for the man and I didnt find him so I went out onto the balcony and there he was hanging off the balcony by his fingertips so I jump on them until he fell off, he fell into the bushes and was still alive so I threw my fridge off the balcony onto him. I felt horrible so I shot myself 5 minuites later. And thats how I died.
Ok God says, he points at man #2 and says ok tell me how you died...
Man 2: Ok I was in my apartment excersising on my balcony and I tripped and fell over, well I saved myself by catching another balcony when all of a sudden a man started to jump on my fingers until I fell off, well I landed in the bushes and stood up thankful to be alive when all of a sudded a fridge fell on me, and thats how I died.
Ok God says, and points at the 3rd man and says ok how did you die?
Man 3: Picture this, your sitting naked, in a refridgerator.
The difference between cats and dogs (joke)
Dogs Diary
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Cats Diary
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
The Rabbit and The Bear (joke)
A rabbit and a bear are walking through a forest. A magic frog appears and tells them he will grant them 3 wishes each. First, the bear said, "I wish all the bears except me in this forest were girls.". So he got his wish, the rabbit said, "I wish for a go-kart that can't run out of gas". and he got that wish. Next the bear said, "I wish all the bears in the next forest were girls.". So he got that too. The rabbit said , " I wish for a go-kart helmet.". And that was granted also. For the bears last wish he said, "I wish all the bears in the world except me were girls.". And his last wish was granted. The rabbit, with a grin on his face said, "I wish the bear was gay!"
Vampire Joke
Okay, heres a joke I saw on yahoo:
So these three vampires walked into a vampire cafe. The first vampire tells the waiter "i'll have a cup of blood." "alright" the waiter says and asked the second vampire what he wanted. He replied the same as the first. SO the waiter asks the third vampire what he wanted. He replied " just a cup of hot water" the waiter, puzzled asked why he didn't want blood like the rest of them, the vampire pulls out a USED tampon and says "im havin' tea"
lol. funny huh! Sure a little disturbing...but funny none the less! :D
